Interview: Twelve Foot Ninja

Ahh... Twelve Foot Ninja. Whatever you want to classify this downright amazing Aussie band, whether it's a fusion of heaviness or progressive metal, who bloody cares? They're awesome! Known for combining a unique combination of genre bending and soaring melodies over heavy rock goodness, their creativity extends to hilarious music videos, comic books and kick arse music. Selling out shows in Australia and overseas, gaining millions of views on YouTube, smashing the charts with their album releases and getting themselves nominated for heaps of awards, it's safe to say these guys are busy. After just finishing up a massive and successful European tour, our writer Tomina Vincent was lucky enough to get a spare few minutes to have a light hearted chat with the TFN crew.

You’ve been busy little beavers, nibbling your way at the world touring your record Outlier. How exhausted are you?

Without a metric, it’s impossible to say.

How much better are European crowds than Australian, and how do you usually answer that question without pissing off either side?

Everyone is better than everyone else. European crowds are great. Australian crowds are great. Great great great.

Your latest album was a huge success. How does it feel to be suddenly even more recognised all over the world?

Feels like warm jelly in your jocks on a cold winter morning. Feels like a cool drink after mowing the lawns in the December sun. Feels like getting winked at by a dog.

You’re doing a one off show in Melbourne, which pisses off Sydney and Brisbane a great deal. What’s the worst place you’ve played in Australia, and overseas? Please don’t say Brisbane, or we’ll edit it out.

What people don’t realise is that bands select where they’re going to play in two ways:

1.) They throw brass darts at a map

2.) A complex equation that works out how many people they can piss off by NOT playing somewhere

It has NOTHING, abso-fuckin’-loutely NOTHING to do with venue availability, schedules or promoters. More importantly . . . (and everyone should know this) . . . Time to fuckin’ blow the whistle on a charade that’s gone on far too long:

Anytime a band DOESN’T play somewhere. It’s totally personal. It’s a personal attack on everyone who lives in that place. You see, bands are like Santa: we actually keep a list of everyone we ever meet, taking note of where they live. If we don’t like the cut of someones jib - we AVOID visiting their city or in some cases, country. You heard it here first. Any band that denies this is what happens, they’re lying. Somewhere amongst their shit is a leather bound book full of handwritten names and places. All entries are made with a quill pen.

The most important aspect of a show is how good the toilets are.

Your guitarist Stevic has some shady dealings with Shuriken guitars for Line 6. How did that come about and does he now feel superior to the rest of the band?

Stevic owns Shuriken Guitars and is now talking in 3rd person. This collaboration came about because I was using Line 6 technology in a unique way with Twelve Foot Ninja. Re: superiority: If anyone’s success can make others feel inferior . . . then that’s their problem. Luckily, Twelve Foot Ninja celebrates everyone’s individual achievements - except when Damon wins rock paper scissors to get into the 1st class lounge in Abu Dhabi because there is only one pass and pulls a face like this:

Do you roll your eyes far back enough to see your brain every time people ask ‘what’s with the ninja thing’ or ‘I didn’t see you there?

a dqeg=wwehddhk dhhwjkkqqs hdui32r9q34rgqhwe.

Couldn’t type with my eyes rolled back in my head.

What is the one item you can’t live without on tour?

Hand sanitiser.

What do you think would happen if Batman was bitten by a vampire?

Mormon teenage girls would appreciate Batman more.

A serious one now. You’ve been around as a band for a long time, you’ve toured the States and Europe, released two EP’s and two albums. With such extensive experience as a band and as a unit, you’re no doubt better equipped than ever to answer some of life’s most important questions, so on that note. Does pineapple really belong on pizza?

There’s some 50 year old bloke in Canada who decided he’s actually a 9 year old transgender girl. Anythings anything. You can stick fuckin’ toothpaste on pizza if you want.

If there was one really awful band you could tour with, who would it be?

The Shaggs.

Outlier has been out for a year now, is there any new music in the pipeline for Twelve Foot Ninja?

Yep. Our pipes are constantly getting a workout.

What’s next for the band? Are we likely to see an Australian tour soon?

Nothing planned other than 170 Russell on Jan 12th! Then we go deep under the ocean to write album 3, or work on our procrastination techniques.

Thanks for your time!

Thank you!

Catch Twelve Foot Ninja for one night only! With special guests: Caligula's Horse + I Built The Sky. Get your tickets now from Moshtix.

Written by Tomina Vincent

Check out their music video for "One Hand Killing" below:

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